just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
