i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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