i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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