i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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