3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
