it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
