i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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