I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
