But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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