she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
