I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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