How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You had me at "let me see your balls"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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