So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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