I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
