Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
