rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
