Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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