just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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