I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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