Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
