dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
