I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
