He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have post one night stand depression
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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