need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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