Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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