I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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