Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want to be your penis for a week.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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