Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
