ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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