I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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