You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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