Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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