I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
