Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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