i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
