I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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