I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
