I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
