Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
