i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
