i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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