U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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