So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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