You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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