You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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