Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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