Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
