I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
