I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
