Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
